Reflection

Reflection is such a huge part of the PYP program so I guess it's time I reflected!  Not that I'm not always reflecting on my teaching, but as the year is nearly over it's time to reflect on my first year at ENS.

As I reflect I am well aware of God's grace in bringing about the changes in me, the classroom, and my students.  Everything good comes from Him and I give Him all the glory and praise for making the changes.

As I sat in my class Thursday morning watching my students work independently I couldn't help but remember what it was like at the beginning of the year.  All the struggles with listening, working, not talking all the time, respect, tucking in of the shirt, fighting, bad language and just simply not wanting to be there (both me and the kids).  I remembered how hard it was for me to get up each and every day and go to work knowing that it was going to be a battle to get anything done as I would spend a majority of the day working on behavior management.  I recalled my frustrations with teaching them how to raise their hands and work independently.  Ashamedly I also recalled my harsh tone and anger towards them and many of the not so positive things I had said to them at the beginning of the year.  Remembering all that just made it even more wonderful to see what I saw.  I saw them working.  Working together.  Working quietly.  Raising their hand when they needed help.  I saw them reading, writing, checking their work, and getting help from each other.  I saw boys and girls working cooperatively and not yelling at each other.  I saw high students working with and helping lower students.  I saw a well working classroom that could have been anywhere in the States and yet it's here in the UAE where they struggle with education.  As I sat there watching them I couldn't help praise God for His grace in their lives.  He is working in them and His faithfulness is amazing. 

In addition to God working in them, I stand totally amazed as to how He worked in my life to bring me to the point of acknowledging that I needed His help in my life and in the classroom.  As God changed my attitude, my words began to change as well.  The situation didn't change, my attitude changed.  God reminded me that the job was a blessing from Him and that these students are created in His image and loved by Him and when I wasn't loving them I was living in sin.  He reminded me that I am called to speak gently, not harshly, and that my anger doesn't glorify Him.  I am called to love all people, even my Emirati students, just as God loves me.  It is a tall task and I often fail.  Even as I write this I am reminded that I still struggle in truly loving them, especially when things aren't going as well as I think they should in the classroom.  In addition to loving them I am called to work for God's glory so that my students, and the staff, can see Jesus in and through me.  And again I am reminded how often I fail, but thankfully I am also reminded of God's grace and mercy in forgiving me and giving me another day to try again.  I pray that these changes will take root in my heart so that the beginning of the 2013-2014 school year will be a much more positive experience and that I will be able to glorify God with the beginning of a new school year.

I still struggle, believe me I do.  Every day.  But I know that God is at work in me and that because of Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross I can rest assured that I have forgiveness for the times that I mess up in the classroom, and in every other area of my life.  So I praise God for sending His Son to die for me, for giving me the Holy Spirit to work in me, and for His never-ending love for me and all of His creation!

I do need to begin thinking about the 2014-2015 school year.  Where will I be?  I'm praying that I will be back in the States.  Brazil is a thought that I have, but it's just a thought.  I really haven't even began looking.  What are God's plans?  Not sure right now.  I do know that I will resign from ENS in December.  Even as I write about how God changed me I know that this school isn't for me.  I don't agree with grading English language learners as native English speakers and that is what is required here. 

Two more weeks with the students and four more weeks until I head home! We have our concert on Tuesday and Thursday is supposedly a holiday; we're still waiting for official word from ENS, but it's been in the paper so we should have it off. With a holiday on Thursday I'm wondering how many students will come back for the last week of school. I'm not sure what the last 2 weeks of school will have in store for me; hopefully we'll get some time to get planning done for the next year.