I am having a pretty rough day today. It started out with one of my dizzy/weak spells. I went to sit down in the bathroom (so I could get something to drink) and had someone bring me some orange juice. Not a great way to start the day, but people were very helpful and kind.
In addition to not feeling well today (weak, stomach issues, and hot) I think the reality of the situation has finally hit. I am quite overwhelmed with the task that I am about to undertake. I am in a totally different country with a totally different culture, trying to make friends, learn the language, figure out when and where I'll be moving to, thinking about how to teach these students and all the pressure that is being placed on us as new LTs (licensed teachers), and not being able to eat or drink. It's just a bit much to deal with right now and all at the same time. I have just felt like crying all day today, and I have at different points when people ask me how I'm doing. Everyone has been great though, very helpful and friendly. Those that have lived in other countries say that it's normal and part of culture shock. I haven't thought about leaving, so that's a good thing. It's just a lot to take in and process. I am scared about what comes next. I am ready to teach, but at the same time I think I am realizing all the pressue that ADEC is placing on us to make sure the program is a success.
To handle the physical aspect of this I have to start eating during the day again. Regardless of Ramadan, I need to have a snack with me so I can counteract the dizziness and weakness that I have been experiencing. Liz, works for ADEC and helped me this morning, told me that it would be ok for me to carry something with me if I need to.
I am praying that the rest will pass and that God will help me to adjust and not stress and worry about what is going to happen next.
Oh Sara, I wish I could reach out and give you the sort of hug that would make you feel secure and contented. It is so easy to talk about being strong when we sit here in our own homes. You have done somrthing incredible. I don't know anyone else who has done what you are doing. You are an example to us all. We are all thinking of you every day, and we are still here for you for whatever you need. The distance is physical, but our hearts are still very close. Do you feel like you have stepped off the deep end and are immersed in strangeness and pressure? I can only imagine how you are feeling, but your post today breaks my heart. I feel like I want to do something to make it all better, but I know you don't need that. You will take good care of yourself I see, because you are already doing it. I am impressed. I hope you can look at yourself and see how amazing you are, and be proud of all the things you are doing. I think it is great that you recognize the pressure others are putting on you, and realizing that it is their problem. I know that with your incredible talents, you will do very well, and hope they will see this in time. I see you are taking apart the pressure, and identifying the sources as separate smaller things. I think this is amazing that you instinctively did this, and that the smaller bits will be easier to deal with than the whole of all the pressures, which are overwhelming. Perhaps there is a place for you to go where you can be completely alone, and have some peace for a few minutes. I used to go to the ladies' room if I didn't have anyplace to go, and I needed to get away for a minute! I hope I have said something useful. We all love you with all our hearts, and are thinking of you all the time.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Penny
You make me want to send you snacks! We've been praying for you and we'll be more specific about your imposed fasting and your transition to a new job on the other side of the world! (Hate to be diabetic there!) Everything does seem worse on an empty stomach!
ReplyDeleteCulture shock indeed! This is all part of the experience Sara- though it is not the most pleasant..... you will look back on this whole thing when it is over and smile in amazement. Amazed that you did it, amazed at what you learned, amazed that you were a part of such an awesome movement to help the kids over there.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know that with teachers there like you- this program will be a huge success!
Hold your head up high Sara :) God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
It is overwhelming, I went through something similar when I did a month exchange program in Germany. Different language, different culture, new city, new people! It's a lot to take in! I'm praying for you and that it will get easier for you. Maybe as you get busy with school things will be better. :-)
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